last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
