Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
