On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
