do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
