I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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