the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
