He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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