Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize