I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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