i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
