I wannas sexs uuuuu
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
