remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
