The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
