you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
