i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Terrible idea I love it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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