I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
