I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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