This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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