So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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