Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
