ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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