i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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