How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
