then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
