Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
