uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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