Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
