Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
