I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
