The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
