He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
