you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
