I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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