nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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