I CAN MOONWALK!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
