Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
