So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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