He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
