maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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