how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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