i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
