Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
