we're blogging at a bar
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
