I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
