Your tits are I can't wait for
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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