We're facebook friends in real life
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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