Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
