he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
