Apparently you make a good broom.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
