operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
