somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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