And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
