all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
