He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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