Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
