HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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