i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
