All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
