You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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