Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
