I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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