I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
