I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
