if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
