I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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