there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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