I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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