Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
my penis made a compromise with my morals
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
