laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
